The Grandma Mystique

What is it? This Grandma Thing? I’d heard other women talk about how amazing it was to be a grandmother, and, when they talked about their grandchildren, they seemed completely, almost embarrassingly, smitten. I really didn’t think that would happen to me — until it did. But, how? Why?

For one thing, grandmahood is the ultimate do-over. Even the best parents are only operating by trial and error, and the errors, unfortunately, have really loud voices. By the time we’re grandparents, however, we’ve garnered a bit of wisdom and perhaps some confidence as well. We see that, despite our many flaws and failures, we’ve managed to raise law-abiding citizens who seem to be good human beings. “Hmm,” we think to ourselves, “maybe I wasn’t such a bad parent after all.” Then, enter the grandchildren, where we’re given a blank slate, more time to fill it, and an ease that can only come with age and experience.

Here’s how this “mystique” has played out for me. For the first time in my life, I can be “in love” without fear. There is no fear of rejection because children seem to love their grandparents supernaturally — that’s also part of the mystique. Perhaps it’s because they sense not only the ease we have but also how completely and unconditionally they are loved. Grandmahood also dispels the cruel fear that every little thing we say or do is apt to “mess them up” for life. No more staying awake at night wondering whether we’ve already doomed them to antisocial behavior or years of therapy. Instead we can fully embrace the present, truly enjoy the relationship, and let go of that huge burden.

And as fear dissipates, along comes freedom — freedom to be spontaneous and silly as well as freedom from a myriad of daily distractions. And of course there is the joyous freedom of sending the grandchildren home when we’re happily exhausted. Doing that means we have the luxury of rest and can be clear and fresh for the next time. No longer are we on duty 24/7, drained, spent, and fighting off the alligators of career, marriage, home, and finances.

Perhaps the magic formula for the Grandma Mystique boils down to this: loss of fear plus gain of freedom equals sheer joy. Every moment with the grands is a delight. Everything they say or do is magical and puts a silly, satisfied grin on our faces. When five-year-old Michael was eagerly anticipating my out-of-town visit, I learned he was glued to the location feature on Daddy’s phone. I told him how sweet that was. His response: “You’re always on my brain, LoLo.” And, if this isn’t being “in love,” I don’t know what is.